A few days ago, I was so moved by a blog that another adoptive mom had written.  She is an advocate of orphan adoption and her experience has been life changing and inspiring.  I was overcome with emotion as I read her blog and saw the pictures she posted.  The pictures were of actual orphans from different countries.  One picture showed 5 to 7 year old boys, obviously ill and/or malnourished all sitting on toddler potties in a row.  They looked to be from a European country.  I showed my husband and said, “Look, these boys are our Garrett’s age.”  He and I were both so saddened.  Another picture was of rows and rows of medal cribs with Asian babies in them.  The paint on the cribs was peeling and they looked rusted.  There were more pictures and the author compelled me to want to share and do something.

I re-posted the blog on my personal facebook with the tag “You NEED to read this.”  I was sorely disappointed to see only one person “like” the article and she was also the one person to leave a short comment.  I see more comments made over the silliest of things… why wouldn’t everybody want to read and share this?

As I thought about this more, I realized that the author showed me something I had never seen before.  If I am honest, I can admit that maybe I have not wanted to see this.  I have not wanted to think about it.  It bothers me when I give it thought and with my busy life – out of sight IS out of mind.  Except now I can’t get these pictures out of my mind.

Today, as I was driving and seeing these pictures in my mind, my own parents were laid on my heart.  You see, my mom was one of those Asian orphans.  Her father and mother died when she was a young girl, leaving her with her four siblings in the Philippines.  They would sing and beg in the town square in order to get food.  My father was born in a refugee camp in Germany as both of his parents were survivors of a brutal Nazi work camp.  In that refugee camp, his father was killed.  My father was then sent off to England, with many other orphaned and displaced children, to be schooled.

It sadly just dawned on me, that I am the daughter of two orphans.  Even I, Mrs. Live and Breathe Everything Adoption, somehow have missed the boat on the importance of orphan adoption.  I have closed my eyes.  I have not wanted to think of how they are forced to live – maybe because it hits so close to home because of my parents.  No – it hasn’t hit close enough to home for me.  There are so, so many children in this world who are neglected, preyed upon, abandoned, abused and unloved.  I am thankful that my parents survived, but there are many who have not.  There are many that need help right now.

My parents were not adopted and somehow by God’s grace they made it. If you asked them – I know they would share that they would have loved to have had a more “normal” upbringing.  There is much that they don’t talk about.  I am thinking that maybe, now, is the time for me to hear more.  Maybe, now, is the time for me to DO more.

I will be re-posting the blog that I have shared about in this blog – on Adoption Answer’s facebook page.  I HOPE that you will read it.  I hope that you will comment.  I hope that you will be compelled to learn more and maybe, just maybe, we can do something together to help in some way.

If you have any thoughts or ideas, please do contact me at our office (951) 304-0888.

National Adoption Awareness Month is here to bring light to the world of adoption. There is such a need. Though we deal with domestic, typically newborn situations, we are absolutely open to go wherever the Lord will lead us.  Please pray with us as we pray for those organizations that currently work in those areas where orphans are so prevalent.

Did you know that there are 6 Million pregnancies in the United States EVERY YEAR?

Did you know that HALF of those or 3 MILLION pregnancies are UNPLANNED?

Did you know that almost HALF of those unplanned pregnancies or 1.3 MILLION BABIES are terminated through abortion?

I don’t know about you, but these numbers astound me.  They trouble me.  They anguish me.

I don’t mind if I sound a bit dramatic.  I think we should all be traumatized by these facts and do something to change them.  We are talking about lives. We are talking about saving a child, while at the same time preserving the mental, physical and emotional and spiritual state of the expectant mom.  We are talking about offering viable options.

This month, November, is National Adoption Awareness Month.  This month IS THE MONTH where we have the opportunity to share the answer.  ADOPTION is the answer – at least it could be, if it were made an option.

In October and November, we gladly attend and support the banquets and galas of our much loved Pregnancy Resource Centers.  It is their fundraising time and we are hopeful that they will be blessed richly as they do so much to stand up for life.  They are on the front lines showing love for the expectant mom and offering life options and emotional support.

Far too long has there been a great disconnect between a “Crisis Pregnancy Center” and the logical next step of sharing adoption.  How good it is to partner with these Pregnancy RESOURCE Centers to educate their volunteers and counselors about the how to’s on introducing adoption to their clients.  It is so rewarding to come alongside and help them to help a woman, who believed abortion to be her only alternative, to now choose life and a family for her child.  Many of these young women share that they believe that their adoption decision not only saved their child’s life, but saved them as well.

Adoption will not be the comfortable choice for everybody, but unless it is explained and shared adequately as an option, a true choice cannot be made.  Telling a young woman who feels her world crashing down around her that abortion is wrong, and then offering her only the one choice of parenting is very unfair to her.  Parenting is a lifetime commitment, which many of these women in unplanned pregnancies are completely unprepared for.  The pressure they feel at parenting is what pushes them towards abortion.  They just want their life to go back to being normal, not realizing that abortion leaves an incredible amount of scars and guilt.  We have heard way too many say – “I wish someone had shared about adoption with me…”   Having dealt with hundreds and hundreds of young women who have made an adoption plan – I have not once had one call years later and share their regret of placing.  However, I am always so heartbroken for the many that sob their regret of abortion.

All these young women need are ALL of the options to be given to them.  The choice is then theirs to make.  Let’s learn how to share properly about adoption so that they have a chance to make a decision that they won’t regret.

Adoption Answer is the answer to adoption education.  We welcome the opportunity to share and educate about adoption.  We are here to work with any center that desires to be educated further on adoption.  Our education workshops are free, as are all of our services to any woman in an unplanned pregnancy.  Please feel free to contact our office at any time -  1-877-357-1177

It’s NOVEMBER and National Adoption Month.  This is my absolute favorite time of the year.  Autumn days, leaves falling, pumpkins, cooler temperatures and the consistent reminder that it is a time to give thanks.  For me, there are so many reasons to be thankful.

I am thankful for the simple things in life.  I am very thankful for our neighbor who brought over the delicious scones she baked. My children and I enjoyed the stories those scones brought out from my husband, about his grandmother’s scones from his childhood memories.  It makes me so happy when my children do their chores without having to be reminded. Nothing is better than an unsolicited hug from my son or another great report card from school for my daughter.  I most enjoy a conversation with my sisters where we laugh so hard that we are crying.  I am so touched every time I receive a card in the mail from someone, for any reason, whatsoever. I am thankful for a simple thank you – be it because I made an enjoyable meal or because we’ve helped in an adoption.   It is always nice to receive a message on fb from a special friend who is checking in or letting me know that they are praying for me.  My heart is touched with the flowers my husband picks or buys, puts in a vase and places on the table for me to “find”.

These simple, regular things keep me grounded and sane.

I used to be the girl who liked the grand things in life and now I find myself just loving life for the good things it has to offer and appreciating the lessons from the tough times.  I used to be on this quest to the bigger and better and now I am happy with just being happy. There was a time that there was no satisfaction, because if there was – than that would mean I was settling or missing out.   And now, I find, I have so much and am happier than ever.

As I share these things with the women I life coach or speak to, it is to hopefully have them be drawn into the drama free gift of joy that our God so freely offers us.  Romans 15:13 shares –  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  I love this verse.  It promises us that under ANY circumstance – even the hardest one – IF we trust in the Lord, than we can still feel joy and peace and can have hope. Yes – joy, peace and hope, even during the saddest, loneliest, darkest time.

Believe me, I have had many a dark time in my life.  It is always so good to be on the other side, but I now so appreciate the faith building that takes place during and because of those times.  There has been much pain, as I reflect, that was self imposed due to my own choices.   Loss of self respect and heart break because of wrong decisions, based primarily on the emotions I was feeling in that moment.  In turn, these choices caused a void between me and the Lord or me and someone else. Yet, some of the darkest times have not been by my own choice – like the loss of my babies through miscarriage.  There was such shock & disbelief that the little being that I had instantaneously bonded with and loved was suddenly gone – along with all the dreams I had for them.  Or the loss of my husband’s successful company several years ago and subsequently, the loss of our home.  At that time, it seemed the loss of our comfort and financial security was so overwhelming.

Adoption is one of those situations where typically, some sort of loss has been experienced from a different perspective – on both sides – before or during the adoption plan.  For adoptive parents, it sometimes is the reasons leading up to the decision to adopt.  For others, it is the waiting that hurts or possibly the loss of a matched situation.  For birth moms, the lack of family support or the actual placement may be the most painful.  There is no comparison – pain is pain.

Whatever the cause, whatever the grief, I have learned that we have an amazingly faithful God.  He is there for us to turn to.  He is there for us to trust Him to carry us through.  He IS there, and IF we trust Him, then He will provide that joyful peace that can only come from Him.  How do I know?  Because I have actually experienced it.  Not always – because I am human and have bad habits and control issues at times. Lol!  But, during those times (which are now more often) that I do really put my trust in Him, I experience that joy and/or peace that passes all understanding – even if I am under the most tremendous stress or going through something that causes me grief and sadness.

This month, I am most thankful for the joy and peace, along with the hope that the Lord can so simply provide for us.  All we need to do is trust Him.

There have been many questions regarding the Adoption Tax Credit vs. Reimbursement. It is our understanding that some changes will be taking place in 2012.  Please refer to the links we have provided and speak to your accountant.  They can better advise you.

Here is another link with more information:

http://taxes.about.com/od/deductionscredits/qt/adoptioncredit.htm

With all of the talks about the economy, debt and raising debt ceilings, like so many others, I  have been prompted to think about the economy and how it effects us. As our goal is to reach as many women in unplanned pregnancies as possible, we are consistently looking at our statistics.  In 1994, when I first began working in the adoption field, the majority of birth moms were younger and placing their first child.  As times have changed where teenage pregnancy and becoming a teen mom is more acceptable, we have seen a shift in the demographics of an expectant mom who now chooses adoption.

Now, typically, we are hearing from young women who have children already, and who are under great stress to provide for them. Many of our birth moms are doubling or tripling up with other family members to live and choose adoption because they are experienced enough to the realities of how much it takes to raise a child.  Where the average age of  a placing birth mom used to be 15 – 23, the current age ranges between 21 – 29.

Due to the greater number of applicants, as well as the current state and federal government financial woes, welfare, cash aid and food stamp programs have been forced to make major cut backs.  Even the popular WIC (Women, Infant, Children) programs has decreased significantly what, and the amount they are giving.  What used to be a “given”, has now become a procedure where a ton of paperwork has to be completed in order to see if and what aid you qualify for.  The process is time consuming, with much follow up in order to prove one continues to be qualified in order to continue receiving what is being given.

Another change we have witnessed is the number of our birth moms who have college educations, and have had some sort of corporate training and job experience.  The number of lay offs  and inability to find work has caused  many who would not have considered adoption in the past, to choose adoption now.  The positive of these statistics is that the maturity level and life experience of these birth moms makes for a lower rate of disrupted adoptions.

As we take all of this into consideration in our advertising and outreach, we still find that our birth moms come from all different walks of life. They come from all age ranges – our youngest being 11 and our oldest 41, they all have different socio-economic backgrounds, they vary in their education levels and their life goals.  For us, statistics is a business tool we use, however, we are well versed in working successfully with any expectant mom who seeks our help.

As we reflect upon this past year, our placements have come from high school students, college students, exotic dancers, moms in the sex trade industry, moms who have lost their job, moms who have lost their children to they system, homeless women, first time moms who’s relationships with birth dad have ended, career only minded women…  Our goal has always been to meet them exactly where they are at in their life and help them to move forward towards whatever goal they desired in their future.  For many it is an education or career, for others it is reunification with their other children,  and for some it is to end the cycle of unhealthy relationships or habits.  But there is one goal that all of our birth moms have in common, and that is to make sure their baby goes to a safe and loving home.

The greatest feedback we receive from those special young women who have chosen us to help them with their adoption plan, is that they do not feel as if they are a “statistic” or  a business transaction.  Our goal is to make sure these young women reach their goal of a comfortable adoption plan and then help them to goal map beyond this experience.  Adoption is the most loving of choices a birth mom can recognize and make.  It is the beginning of a wonderful life for her child and for many of our birth moms, a new beginning for her with support and clarity. It is our hope to provide tools for the realistic goals that our birth moms have chosen.

The economy and our statistics may change, but our mission to really help our birth moms – physically, emotionally and spiritually will always remain. Some are more accepting, others are not.  Our call to this work continues as we share this exciting promise and message from:

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

To understand that we really do have a God who cares for us and desires the best for us, is not a commonly known factor with many of our girls.  For them to hear it and feel it  and then believe it  – has incredible impact on how they live their lives. Whatever the economy or circumstance we face, we can stand on this promise! 

For some much needed information regarding  the Adoption Tax Credit and Reimbursement, please check out this link:

http://www.smartmoney.com/taxes/tax-policy/a-tax-break-for-adoptive-parents-1309277713926/?link=SM_hp_featStory

Many know that I answered my calling to work in adoption in 1994.  In doing so, I have had the blessing of working with so many amazing families.  In turn, I have also been able to meet and help hundreds and hundreds of birth moms.  After a very long and trying day a couple of weeks ago, I walked into a furniture store to price new couches for our office waiting room.  As I walked around, I fell in love with this beautiful couch and enjoyed just sitting on it and having a quiet, peaceful moment.  As the store was about to close, three sales people came up to me at the same time.

I shared that this was for an office, not my home.  This very nice Asian salesman, Paul,  asked what kind of office it would be for.  I shared simply, “Adoption”.  I heard the two saleswomen sigh and smile and then Paul said, “Michelle, if you don’t mind me saying so, this is an odd field to work in.  This takes a lot mentally and too much emotionally.  You have very good heart.” He kept pointing back and forth between his head and his heart. He then continued on with his thoughts on adoption  and was so pleased – I mean genuinely happy – to learn that help is really out there for women in crisis. He was so cute as he kept going back to the head and heart thing.  Because I’m half Asian – I completely understood and appreciated what he was articulating.  This stranger, this salesman felt the need to validate the work that we do here at Adoption Answer.

It is amazing how sincere messages from people we don’t know can uplift and energize us.

I did not end up buying that couch,  but I left there with a smile on my face and a warm heart.

Please know, dear Adoption Answer Families and Birth Moms, I want to send you this sincere message today…  you are thought of and uplifted daily in prayer.  Whether you are adopting or making an adoption plan to place your baby – we want you to know that we understand mentally and emotionally what you are experiencing.  We know that your hearts are invested… we want to validate you and assure you that we continue daily to work in your best interest.  – “It’s a HEART Thing”

I remember when Amy called in for the first time.  I was running errands and standing in line at the bank.  Because our helpline is answered 24 hours, we take it everywhere.  As soon as I heard her voice, I knew she was special.  I heard her share that she had been referred to us through the Pregnancy Resource Center that her church worked with.  A connection through a connection which we are confident was the Lord’s plan in the making.

When Amy said, “I’m pregnant and have some questions about adoption”, I stepped out of the line immediately and was heading out to my car for some privacy when the bank manager motioned me to use an empty office.  The manager is always accommodating and knows we “do” adoption and must have sensed that this call was important.  I love small blessings like that.

Amy is 29 and a loving mom to her 9 year old son.  She was recently laid off from her job. She shared that she was now living with her parents and that her mom had been laid off as well.  Though she had been in a relationship with the birth father, they had mutually decided to break up. He was supportive of making an adoption plan.  I set up a meeting with her.

Upon meeting Amy, I was taken by her gentle demeanor.  She is tall with big eyes and her hair is cut in this short, cool style that I wish I could pull off, but would never have the courage to attempt.   I LIKE her.  Have you ever met anyone and immediately liked them?  That’s Amy.  You’d feel the same way.

Paperwork, options, realities of the adoption process and everything else was discussed.  After much thought, prayer, and seeking counsel, Amy decided that adoption was the right decision for her.  She took all of the profiles and looked them over thoroughly, praying over each family.  She is just that way.

Ultimately she selected three families, decided to meet with two and chose one.

Amy with Mike & Kim

After her decision was made, there was no fluctuating.  She referred to her daughter as “their” daughter.  Them, being Mike and Kim, a couple who had experienced infertility issues, then a somewhat bumpy adoption journey before they were referred to us and matched with Amy.  Have you ever met anyone and immediately liked them?  That would be Mike and Kim.  And Amy liked them immediately.

As time progressed, so did the relationship between Amy with Mike and Kim.  Close in age with similar senses of humor, bonding time at doctor appointments, discussions over lunch and even going to the movies together brought these three people to develop a true friendship.

Mike feels the baby kick

Sometimes there is no opportunity for a relationship to develop between an adoptive family with their birth mom, other times – that opportunity is not taken.   In this situation, the opportunity was there and appreciated by Mike and Kim.   In doing so, not only did their thoughtfulness put Amy’s heart at ease, it gained her trust and respect for them.

As I met this adoptive couple and this birth mom for lunch last week, it was the first time I had seen them together since their match meeting. I found it to be really wonderful to not get their “inside jokes”, and to witness their realness with one another.  It was quite refreshing for me to not have to make sure everybody was comfortable.  They were already comfortable.

Mike & Kim at lunch with Amy and her mom, Marta

Amy’s mom was even there.  It doesn’t get any better than a birth mom having her own mom be supportive during this process.  I really didn’t need to be there.  Everything that was discussed could have been discussed without me and everybody would have been alright.

Amy - in labor?

Just a few days after our lunch, Amy’s labor was induced and we literally had as good a time that could be had in a labor room.  Amy taught Mike a new card game and he impressed us all with his skill (or beginner’s luck).    Kim shared cute stories and we talked and laughed.  Amy’s mom, Marta, thoughtfully looked on and was an amazing presence there for Amy and the rest of us.

Michelle & Marta helping Amy during deliver

Thankfully, the hospital staff was incredible – very adoption friendly and accommodating.  They allowed the four of us – Mike and Kim, Marta and me to help her through the labor and delivery.

And – after a little medical drama, some major pushing by Amy and all day talk of whether or not the baby would be here before midnight or not, Miss Emsley Breanne made her entrance into this world at 11:59 and 53 seconds pm!

Emsley is here!

The moment they were all praying for.

Just like before the delivery, the stay in the hospital afterwards was warm and cozy.  Well – as warm and cozy as a hospital stay can be.  It’s all because of the amazing strength of a young woman, who took an experience in her life, and chose to make it beautiful.  The reality to this situation is that Amy has the love, maturity and experience to be a good mom to Emsley.  Yet, she chose adoption because of her love, due to her maturity and as a result of her experience.

Amy holding Emsley

Amy, being wonderful Amy, texted me yesterday afternoon to let me know that she was home from the hospital.  She then thanked me “for being so supportive and sweet” and closed with “Love you”.  There she goes again, thinking about others…

I received a call from Mike and Kim yesterday afternoon as well.  They had just gotten home from the hospital.  Mike was just calling to let me know that they were okay.  Emsley was making those cute newborn sounds and when she started fussing, I offered to let Mike go so he could deal with her.  He said confidently, “No, that’s okay – I have you on speaker.”  He then did his magic Daddy thing and Emsley quieted down immediately.  I then heard Kim come into the room and share that she was so happy to have been able to grab a quick shower.  I had to giggle because they both shared how real it felt now that they were home.  They were probably not aware that they sounded like they were seasoned parents already.   I could feel their joy through the phone.

After hanging up the phone with them, I found myself praying with thankfulness.  God IS so good.  Like so many Adoptive Parents, Mike and Kim have a story to share that has some stress and pain involved.  If you ask them, they will share that the Lord carried them through, grew their faith and has blessed them incredibly.

Our director, Michelle, with Amy during labor

Regarding Amy… her story is to be continued.  Stay tuned to hear how the Lord works in this amazing young woman’s life.   We know that He will bless her for doing something so selfless as she continues to seek Him for direction in her life.

Amy = LOVE

Amy ~

The word we kept hearing in the hospital from all of the nursing staff regarding you was “strength”.  They were right – you have exhibited strength throughout this whole process.  I have not heard one complaint from you – ever.  Your concern has always been with making certain this was the best experience for Mike and Kim.

As Mike so truthfully shared, it is that strength that you seek from the Lord, along with the huge heart that He has blessed you with, that makes you so special.  You are an extraordinary young woman and I am thankful that you are now a part of my life.

May our God bless you mightily as you move forward in your life.  May He direct your path as you continue to trust in Him.  (Proverbs 3:5 &6)

I am blessed to be here as your prayer partner and Life Coach – but most importantly as your friend.  I am so excited to celebrate with you all of the goals you will reach and the dreams that will be fulfilled. Use that strength and determination you have within you to get there…  God has big plans for you.

I love you.  I am thankful for you.  I believe in you.

Always here for you,

Michelle

As April 15 quickly approaches, tax preparation is in full swing.  We wanted to share this Adoption Tax Credit Information.

http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=236883,00.html

By visiting the link above, you will be given the latest information directly from the IRS on what is needed to properly file for your Adoption Tax Credit.  Contact your accountant directly for any financial questions.

One year ago this month, baby Lauren was born. At the time of her birth, she tested positive for drugs.  She was born six weeks early. A year ago, there was much to be concerned with.  Now ~ there is much to celebrate. We celebrate the beautiful and loving family she is now the center of. We celebrate your life Lauren. We celebrate the milestones you have passed incredibly. You are healthy, smart and beautiful, wanted and adored. We honor and celebrate your mommy & daddy for the quality of life and love they are providing for you.

We also celebrate Lauren’s birth mom for choosing life, though she lived under dire circumstances. Her childhood and growing up years could be written as a horror movie.  We celebrate that she is now 5 months clean and sober of the drugs she was addicted to for so long.  We celebrate that she has full time employment and supports herself independently.

As I think about baby Lauren, I realize that she has so much more of a chance for a normal life than her birth mom ever had.  Yet, somewhere, deep inside of her heart – Lauren’s birth mom made the conscious decision to give her daughter the family that she herself had never experienced. Though she has been broken in so many ways during her life – she broke the cycle.  Now that is cause to celebrate!